A MINISTER’S CONFESSION: THE TURNING POINT IN MY LIFE AND MINISTRY

In the early part of 2002 I began praying in other tongues at length. I have always made a private practice of praying in tongues quite regularly, but during this period of time I indulged in it on a daily basis. After praying for about 2 1⁄2 months this way I then added some extended fasting for several more weeks.

Before this extended time of prayer and seeking God I had become quite frustrated with my life and ministry and a lack of certain results. At this juncture in my life I was teaching students and training young ministers on an international platform in a Stateside school of revival. I was doing everything I’ve always dreamed of doing. I was teaching and preaching, traveling both nationally and internationally, mentoring young students, and even found time to do some writing. My family and I were as comfortable as we’d ever been. Our finances were better than they ever were. We were in good health. We enjoyed great friendships. I had every reason to be happy and satisfied, but somehow I was not.

In my heart I was not fulfilled. There was an internal struggle. I did not have peace. I was not walking in my authority as a minister. Somehow and somewhere I was knocked out of that position of authority and it was affecting every area of my life.

Even the mentoring times with students that I so looked forward to were no longer enjoyable. After these mentoring times I would walk away emotionally and spiritually drained. I was hearing a distinct call in my spirit, “Be with Me.” And so at the direction of the Lord I made a determination at the end of 2001 to put a halt to my mentoring groups, stop all extracurricular activities, limit my travels, and deepen my fellowship with the Lord.

When I first started praying in the spirit I kept having this impression of a glass ceiling over my head. On the other side of this glass ceiling was the glory, the power, the favor, the increase, and the anointing I was seeking. While I was gazing intently at the ceiling, however, God began to deal with me about the floor, my foundation. Here are some of the first words of wisdom I heard from the Lord:

“Take away ‘ministry’ over the last 17 years and what do you have? Your character has not been sufficiently dealt the death blows that it will take to properly develop it to where I can impart to you the mind of Christ. You need more mortification to receive the mind of Christ.”

After hearing this word is when I made the decision to add fasting to my time of seeking the Lord. After all, when combined with the Word of God, fasting is the quickest route to mortification and character transformation. And that is what this life in Christ is all about.

To tell you the truth, I thought my foundation was just fine. I had been in the full time preaching ministry for about 15 years. I had been a faithful missionary. I had seen God work healings and miracles through my life. I had ministered to thousands of people in evangelistic crusades and Bible school settings and made some faithful disciples along the way. Why was the Lord directing my attention to the floor and to my foundation? The ceiling is where I wanted to go. That is what I was thinking and praying about. If I had not been in a position of humility through prayer and fasting, I would’ve missed the Lord in what He was trying to say to me. Thank God for His patience and long- suffering.

After several more weeks of seeking the Lord and praying, especially in other tongues, revelation began to open up to me concerning my life and ministry. It was as if the Holy Spirit was now helping me to interpret the many mysteries I had been praying out for months.

For several weeks I heard beautiful words. I wrote them down. God gave me a blueprint of His more perfect will for my life and ministry. You can find this testimony in my book The Journal Of A Journey and the revelation I received during this time, and also the order by which it came. It is important to know that there is an order to each piece of revelation God gives.

1 Cor 14:4 says, “He who speaks in an unknown tongue edifies himself.” One meaning of “edify” is to organize and order. When I began to pray in other tongues at length I was organizing and ordering my life in the Spirit while edifying myself. I was accessing certain mysteries of my life and calling, and God put me on the fast track because of the time spent praying forth those mysteries. My understanding, however, was unfruitful until the interpretation of it came in these documents. Wise ministers will build their ministries this way.

There is an organization and an order in the Spirit that come as a result of the leading and direction of the Lord that you receive through prayer especially praying in other tongues. These documents are a direct result of time spent praying this way.

The apostle Paul also penned these words: “I thank my God I speak in tongues more than you all; yet in the church…” (1 Cor 14:18- 19a)

As the principle writer of the New Testament, Paul’s private use of speaking in tongues was his key to revelation knowledge and to his understanding of the mysteries of God. The same applies today.

This book, written in journal form, details my personal journey of how time spent praying in other tongues gave me the needed wisdom, knowledge, and understanding of God’s more perfect plan for my life.

Praying in tongues is both a purifying fire and a devouring fire. As you pray in other tongues the fire of God will devour your works of wood, hay, and stubble while at the same time purifying your works of gold, silver, and precious stones. This will save your works at the judgment seat of Christ and cause you to enter into a sure reward.

How does this happen? It happens through the interpretation processes of revelation and precise instruction from the Holy Spirit. The Bible says that we should pray to interpret our heavenly language of tongues (1 Cor 14:13). The key is to locate the channel by which the Holy Spirit speaks.

Most Christians have a difficult time distinguishing their spirit from their intellect. Your conscience is the voice of your spirit. The Holy Spirit is more closely associated with your conscience than your intellect. As you pray in tongues you are praying from the channel of your conscience through which the Holy Spirit speaks.

Our problem is that we are more accustomed to looking for God’s voice in our intellect. Our intellect is generally an unsafe guide because it is usually clouded with a mixture of the world’s thinking where much of our decision-making is based on our best interests. Most Christians have a difficult time hearing from God because their soul which comprises of their intellect is clouded with self, mingled with the world, and yet has some Word in it.

Praying in other tongues will broaden the channel by which God speaks. In my case I prayed so much in other tongues that eventually those tongues seemed to turn to English at times, and the Lord began to give me revelation and instruction concerning my life and ministry.

Praying in tongues also aligns your heart with the motives of Jesus Christ especially as you spend time meditating on the life and words of Jesus in the gospels. This will strengthen your conscience. The conscience will then translate those motives into thoughts and order your soul in it through the revelation and instruction you are receiving from the Holy Spirit. The Spirit’s purpose is to re-align your soul with the motives of Christ so He can begin to make a real bond-slave out of you. That is real character transformation which is what the Lord is after.

It is time to double up and triple up praying in other tongues, and to get the order and organization of your life and ministry from the Spirit of God. Let Him speak to you and give you clarity.

One of the main themes that has been woven into my preaching and writing over the years has been the great desire of the Spirit to save ministers and saints from dead works and laboring in vain. There are certain admonitions in scripture that have very strong application toward ministers (Mat 7:21-23) (I Cor 13:1-3) (2 Cor 3:12-15) (Jam 3:1-2). We must pay very close attention to these. To whom much is given much is required.

It is my earnest prayer that the Holy Spirit will use this post and the book below to enlighten you, and save your works from being burned so that you will receive the Lord’s reward for your labor on that day.

The full testimony of the revelation I received during this season of prayer is in my book, THE JOURNAL OF A JOURNEY TO HIS HOLINESS.   In my humble opinion it is my most sacred book – very revealing, transparent, most vulnerable, and written in the first person from heaven to earth. For this reason it is my least advertised book. It is written to the body of Christ but especially with ministers in mind.  It will help many avoid the pitfalls of pride and save them from laboring in vain where they can receive a full reward on that Day. It’s time to get this message out. 

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4 thoughts on “A MINISTER’S CONFESSION: THE TURNING POINT IN MY LIFE AND MINISTRY

  1. I read this book and reviewed several years ago and it greatly helped me at that time.

    This post is very timely as a tremendous reminder and echo of all that the Spirit is speaking to me at this time. Reorientation and undergirding has taken place.

    May grace be multiplied to you both.

    Seth

  2. Thank you so much for sharing your growth experiences…we need examples, and high standards like you’re giving us! This reminded me of what you’d said recently about intercession. What you’ve said too, is a reminder that it is a journey–not so easy or automatic to get to the spiritual goal? Such a large number of the body of Christ does not have, or practice praying in tongues — so how much could be missing, or not accomplished that God would want? Many of us also, even for long periods, have been asking, and seeking for this gift, but not received (I believe–to keep on asking, and believing, as that is His way, and direction–how can we do otherwise!) It seems, this gift (the baptism of the Spirit) is received, for the most part (considering scripture), through the laying on of hands by spiritual people, or by being in a situation where the Spirit is being poured out? A kind-of big problem I’ve run into is a question of who, or what ministry to trust, or connect with…as in the charismatic realm, sometimes with big, well known ministries where God is said to be working, there is a lot of fleshliness, and worse, sometimes alarming weirdness, that does not show the character of God. This can be frustratingly confusing, as there can also be evidences of true miraculous type spiritual workings. I remember you had said something about being cautious–that some churches, or bodies are actually dangerous to be involved with? I guess, my question–that things like this are not a light matter…that there would be deceiving spirits involved with their ends to accomplish? I wonder how you see these things — reading about famous revivals, they’re sometimes hurt, or derailed because of strange manifestations–that one would think could be evidence of evil spirits? I wonder, generally speaking, how toxic would these things be–so to leave, or when to stay away from (not be prayed for) a person, or ministry that has a lot of weird, or ungodly things going on? Don’t we need the gift of discernment to be operating in the Church!

    • Every man must follow the Lord for himself. That is the bottom line. Beware of men. Beware of false teachers, prophets, and apostles as Jesus warned us. The Spirit of truth is faithful to lead us and guide us always in every situation and circumstance.

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